Ten Tips for Asking Questions

TEN TIPS ON ASKING QUESTIONS

The ability to ask appropriate questions is essential for effective communication and problem solving.  Whether you are coaching others to address their own issues, problem solving directly with another or helping two or more individuals to resolve their own problems, presented below are ten tips for how to ask good questions.   

1.         Identify the reasoning behind questions:  A single question can cause defensiveness.  A series of questions can feel like an interrogation.  To avoid defensive reactions to any form of questioning, let the individual know the reasoning behind your line of questioning.  For example, when trying to better understand a situation, you might start by noting, “I would better understand what you are saying, if I had a sense of how the rent for this  unit compares with similar units in the neighborhood.  Follow up with an open-ended question which does not require a “yes” or “no” answer, but allows the individuals to respond in their own way such as, “Could you tell me more about the other units you’re mentioning?”

2.         Use open-ended prompts:  During the early stages of problem solving, a great deal of valuable information can be gathered by using brief, general, open-ended prompts such as, “Can you tell me about the situation that concerns you?” or “Can you say more about how this has affected you.”  The use of open-ended prompts can allow others to express their perceptions and feelings in their own words and in their own order, without interruption.  Follow-up responses to open-ended prompts should vary according to circumstances.  Consider the methods listed below.

3.         Give acknowledgement responses: Brief, one-to-three-word statements or non-verbal gestures demonstrate that you are following the conversation.  Try a nod of the head or “Um-hmmm,” “uh-huh,” “I see,” etc.  If a person’s comments become repetitious, summarize what has been said to indicate that you understand, and then follow with a statement that encourages closure such as, “Now that I understand that point, can we talk about…(new subject)” or an invitation to expand (see below).

4.         Value silence:  Never underestimate the power of silence.  Silence in combination with your own thoughts expressed through facial and body expression can send invaluable messages such as, “I hear what you are saying and I need time to think about it,” or “I see that you need time to think about this more,” or “Clearly it was difficult for you to express what you just did and you need a moment to recover from the feelings that have been aroused.”  

5.         Offer invitations to expand:  Brief phrases or prompts will signal the other(s) that you hear what has been said and that you encourage the person talking to say even more.  Try phrases such as, “Anything else?”  “Is there more you want to add?” or “Is there something else you think I should know?”

6.         Offer invitations to clarify or be more specific:  Often an individual will make a general statement which becomes more useful as it becomes more specific.  For example, if one person says, “He always borrows my things without asking: I want them back!” you might respond by saying, “Can you give me an example of what you mean?” or, if appropriate, “Please describe the items that you want returned.”  On other occasions, an individual may not feel comfortable talking about a sensitive issue and may need a signal from you that it is all right to raise the topic.  In these cases you might say, “Sometimes parents worry that their children are taking drugs.  Is that a concern of yours?”

7.         Make checks for accuracy:  Many times you need to check to make sure that you have understood a single thought correctly, for example, “Did you say that you purchased the car two years ago?”  On some occasions you might want to summarize what has been said to see if you have an accurate picture of a view, for example, “So, from what you’ve said so far, I sense that you really like your apartment and want to stay there.  Is that correct?”  When you can summarize what you’ve heard both accurately and positively, you can earn trust and make it easier to problem solve. 

8.         Follow a line of thought:  Often it is very helpful to use a series of questions.  For example, it might be important to gain a larger understanding of a particular issue or to develop the terms of an agreement.  At these times, it is helpful to identify the goal of the questioning (see item #1 above) and to stay focused.   The language of agreements should be fine-tuned in a back-and-forth dialogue between you and the others.  Questions which narrow the subject matter may be appropriate at this time.

9.         Encourage problem-solving:  As the issues needing problem solving become clearer and you shift from problem setting to problem solving, think of how to help others develop possible resolutions.   “So, have you thought about ways to resolve this issue?”  “Can you suggest methods to explore to resolve this issue in the future?”   If the situation is between you and another, you yourself will want to make suggestions, but it is always helpful to ask the other how they would like to resolve the situation at hand.

10.       Weigh options tentatively:  A primary responsibility for anyone helping another to resolve a problem is to see that options are offered tentatively so that the individuals are free to think about, accept or reject them without feeling threatened, losing face or becoming entrenched in a position.  Try, “What if she agreed to keep the stereo down after 10:00 p.m.?” or “How would you feel if he agreed to pay for half of the fence?” or “If he agreed to shovel his side of the driveway, would you take care of your half?”